19 November 2008

Commentary: National LGBT rights leader says stand firm, move forward

These encouraging words bear repeating...
Standing firm, moving forward
By Rea Carey, Executive Director,National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Action Fund


This last weekend, the nation witnessed an outpouring of emotion and determination from lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people in the wake of both a historic and painful Election Day. The outcry by LGBT people at having a fundamental right taken away in California is understandable and our demand to participate fully and equally in society is inspiring.

The LGBT community played a significant role in the election of our first African-American president. According to exit poll data, 69 percent of lesbian, gay and bisexual voters cast their votes for President-elect Obama compared to 53 percent of the general electorate. In doing so, we saw how far the nation has come in its struggle to honor the dignity and contributions of all Americans.

Yet in the passage of multiple statewide ballot measures targeting LGBT equality, we experienced firsthand just how far we still have to go.

After Nov. 4, LGBT people juggled a sense of exhilaration in closing a particularly ugly chapter in our nation’s history, while finding ourselves the target of vigorous, well-funded, dehumanizing campaigns.

America voted decisively to break the racial barrier but also drew a line in the sand when it came to the right of LGBT people to marry the person they love and form their families.

During his acceptance speech, we took President-elect Obama’s remarks to heart:
“What we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve for tomorrow. … America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more for us to do.”

Yes, so much more to do.

Despite losses in Florida, Arizona and California on same-sex marriage, the LGBT community can draw strength from how far our struggle has come in just four years. In 2004, same-sex marriage lost on the ballot in 13 states, by margins that ranged from largely the mid-70s to as high as 88 percent. This year the margins were much, much closer: in Florida it was 62 percent to 38 percent, in Arizona it was 56 percent to 44 percent, and in California it was 52 percent to 48 percent. In short, the point spread is bending toward justice.

In California, millions voted against Proposition 8 and tens of thousands gave up their evenings and weekends to canvass their communities or participate in No on 8 phone banks. From grandparents to college students to everyone in-between, Californians worked passionately and tirelessly for LGBT equality because it is a principle they believe in. Proposition 8 passed because it was among the most vitriolic anti-LGBT campaigns in our nation's history. But the progress being made cannot be disputed, and one day, in the not-too-distant future, we know that our families will be accorded the same dignity, respect and recognition as all other families in America.

After coming so close, it’s hard to accept these defeats, to analyze what we did right, what we might have done better, and to roll up our sleeves and get back to the daily work of making a case for LGBT and marriage equality. But, as the president-elect told the crowd in Grant Park:
“This victory alone is not the change we seek; it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.”

We will never go back.

As has always been the case, the simple fact of LGBT people living our lives and contributing to our communities continues to build the support we need to strengthen our partnerships, our families and our case for equality.

In vast numbers on Election Day, Americans expressed great hope in Obama’s life story of rising from humble origins and crossing many cultural and racial divides to form himself and to create both the family and a life’s path he passionately believes in. We are buoyed by his belief in the inherent worth of all Americans, including those who are “gay [and] straight,” as he noted only moments into his acceptance remarks.

It is up to LGBT people and our allies to insist on the recognition of our humanity, to continue to press for the lives we dream of and for the safety and well-being of our families — families we are stretching to support and protect, against all odds — against even the disapproval and disdain of our very neighbors, every day.

We saw this insistence at full force on Nov. 15 in rallies from San Diego to D.C., from Boston to Seattle, and we inspired each other in the process.

I truly believe that one day, and within one generation, we will all look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. We will simply be able to get married and create our families without having to go door to door, asking for permission.

What we’ll remember better, I hope, is that we stood firm despite our grave disappointment, took up the charge President-elect Obama put before us, and quickly got to the business of reshaping this country after a defining moment in American history.

18 November 2008

Melissa Carter at the Join the Impact Rally in Atlanta


The Obama-Biden Agenda for Equal Civil Rights


The fine folks at proudparenting.com have an article about President-Elect Obama's plans for gay rights:

http://www.proudparenting.com/node/2268

You can also find President-Elect Obama's plans to strengthen civil rights at: http://www.change.gov/ (follow the link under 'agenda' to civil rights)

or go directly to the civil rights section here: http://www.change.gov/agenda/civil_rights_agenda/

17 November 2008

Scenes from the National Day of Protest in ATL:

















and just because she is totally cool, and her words describe my true feelings to a 'T', here's Wanda Sykes in Nevada:

14 November 2008

Personal Faith


My faith is a very personal thing. It is my personal relationship with a Higher Power, whom I choose to accept as God. I don't expect people to have the same beliefs I do, and I try not to judge the faith of others. Sometimes this is a hard task when those 'others' are using their faith as an excuse to condemn. If people want to believe that God created earth, then put a man and woman on the planet and followed them around testing them every chance He got, that is fine with me. Just please extend me the same courtesy - don't judge my faith, and don't tell me that I don't have the right answers. God speaks to each of us individually and what God thinks is good for you might not be good for me. I was born with an inquisitive mind - after much prayer and thoughtful study it has led me to accept that while the bible may have been inspired by God, it is not infallible - man put some stories in there to teach lessons, or to try and make sense out of things that had happened in the past. Much of the bible is not based on fact -it's allegory. This thinking has not damaged my relationship with God - in fact, it has made my faith stronger. God does not change...our understanding of God changes, and, with understanding, our relationship with God - you know, that PERSONAL one - grows. Imagine all the good we can do if we were truly witnesses for God - allowing our very lives to be the TRUE testement of God's unconditional love? Imagine if we focused on what God intended for OUR LIVES instead of focusing on what we think God condemns in others. Imagine what could happen if we were truly focused on compassion, love and justice for those who are denied equality.

I think we'd really be doing what Jesus would do.

Why We Protest

11 November 2008

Declare Your Family Equal!

Why I Love my Church

California's Prop 8 passage prompts UCC ad

Written by Staff Reports
November 8, 2008

The United Church of Christ's Cleveland-based national office has purchased full-page ads in three of California's largest gay community publications after voters there approved a constitutional amendment, known as Proposition 8, that halts same-gender marriages in the state.

"We stood with you in saying no to Proposition 8 and we will continue to stand with you, both in disappointment and resolve, until marriage equality is realized," reads the ad, quoting the Rev. John H. Thomas, the UCC's general minister and president.

The print advertisements will appear in upcoming editions of the Bay Area Reporter in San Francisco, Frontiers in Los Angeles, and Gay & Lesbian News in San Diego.

"We felt it important to offer a pastoral word in support of the LGBT community in California and in solidarity with our two UCC Conferences there," said the Rev. J. Bennett Guess, the UCC's director of communications. "So many of our pastors, members and congregations worked tirelessly to defeat Proposition 8, and we know there is much disappointment, sadness and even anger that followed the outcome of that referendum."

In 2005, the UCC's General Synod approved a resolution that affirmed its support for same-gender marriage equality. The UCC's Southern California – Nevada Conference and Northern California – Nevada Conference were among the earliest advocates for the General Synod action. Both Conferences had actively opposed Proposition 8.

"In this moment of profound spiritual pain and struggle, the UCC, more than ever, sets its resolve toward a not-distant future where justice and fairness will prevail in the full embrace of marriage equality," said the Rev. Felix Carrion, coordinator of the Stillspeaking Ministry, the UCC's marketing and identity campaign. "Our pastoral and prophetic conscience leads us to proclaim in these ads our ultimate bonds of friendship with the LGBT family and our conviction in an undefeatable ideal."

Guess said that the UCC is considering the possibility of purchasing additional ads in national publications, if financial support becomes available. Contributions to the UCC's Tell Our Story Fund enable the national UCC to respond in pivotal moments with advertising messages, Guess said.

Why I Love my Girlfriend


My normally stoic-faced, doesn't-ever-wear-her-heart-on-her-sleeve, only-shares-when-she-thinks-it's-REALLY-REALLY-important girlfriend wrote this in an email to a local morning show:

Hi Bert!
First, I want to say that I love the show. I moved here from Tennessee a year ago and was wondering what I would do for morning radio... and was SO glad to find your show! I really do enjoy it. Second, let me say that I don't want to come across as someone who takes themselves and life too seriously. I try to maintain a sense of humor about things, and try not to be one of "those" people who get all riled up about things they hear on the radio.

But in light of recent events around the election, namely the passing of Prop 8 in California, along with the other measures passed against Marriage Equality, I just have to say something about some of the story lines you were talking about this morning.

I can't get married, legally, to my partner. My partner, the love of my life, whose ring I would be proud to wear no matter where, when or what, and I can't have the same legal protection under the law that Vegas Amy has. Or that Superbowl whoever would have if her $3 million dollar effort finds a man for her. And the reason that I keep hearing over and over and over again is that allowing gay people to be legally married would somehow denigrate the sanctity of the institution of marriage.

The same institution that Vegas Amy is seemingly so willing to shrug off for a weekend. The same institution that Superbowl ad woman thinks she can buy her way into. The same institution that Trey is making a "game" out of trying to find a partner for.

And I wonder how many people that you feature on your show that play so fast and loose with the sanctity of this institution would also cast a vote to deny my partner and I the right to participate in the same institution... All the while screaming about the sanctity of marriage.

I understand having a girls' night out or a whole weekend, I honestly do. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that at all! And I remember how depressing and scary the dating scene can be. But to take off your rings and present yourself as something that you aren't is, at best, offensive, and at worst is lying. I know some people who would consider it cheating to openly and purposefully flirt with people as if you were single. Even if your intentions are to not do anything beyond flirting, it is not respectful to your marriage vows or to your partner. And shows like 'The Bachelor' and this attempt to put a Superbowl ad up to find a partner do nothing but make relationships seem more like a commodity that can be bought, consumed, and tossed aside like any other disposable item in our lives than the attempt to find someone with whom you can build a serious relationship.

As Melissa stated earlier, if Vegas Amy was Vegas Andy, there is no slack or sympathy that would be afforded to him. And any double standard is wrong, wouldn't you agree? And yet these same people think there is nothing wrong with what they do, while at the same time they believe or would actively work to prevent my partner and I from having equal protection for our relationship under the law. Double standard? Hypocrisy?

Like I said, I love your show and usually find the humor in all story lines you present for our enjoyment, but the wounds from Prop 8 are apparently more raw than I even realized, and today it was just too much to hear this sacred institution of marriage being treated so lightly and with such disrespect by some of your listeners. Seriously, people, if you don't want gay people to get legally married, come up with a better argument than this whole concept of the sanctity of the institution.

Wow... I feel better. Thanks for letting me vent some of my frustration. Like I said, I really do love your show and will keep listening.
Thanks,
Angie


I'm so totally in love with her. Do you see why?

10 November 2008

Step One of my New Found Out-Loud Activism

http://www.jointheimpact.com/

Join me this Saturday, November 15th, 2008 for the National Protest/March for Equality. Wherever you are, there is a protest near you. Check out the link above for more information, and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE share this with everyone you know.

Thanks!

07 November 2008

How the Helpless Become the Helpful


I consider myself an 'armchair activist.' I tend to be fairly out-spoken about my beliefs. In fact, on any given day, unapologetically and with much passion, I can be found:

- reading about equal civil rights
- studying up on legislation involving my rights
- sharing my beliefs regarding the fight for equal rights for LGBTQ Americans
- having heated, philosophical debates with anyone who will argue back about the parallels between the the women's rights movement, civil rights movement and today's LGBTQ rights movement
- emailing all the contacts in my address book about civil rights violations and what we can do about them, and
- posting blogs and blog comments about equal rights for ALL Americans, not just the ones we are comfortable with.

It's just my way...it's who I am - a grown woman with an opinion who has a vested interest in equal civil rights for ALL Americans.

Rarely; however, have I stepped up to the plate and done anything more than that, save for the occasional donation of a few dollars in support of equality.

My most recent financial donation was to the 'No on 8' campaign in California. Although I couldn't vote there, as a native Californian I felt the desire to do SOMETHING to help. It wasn't as much as I would have liked, just what Angie and I could afford at the time, and clearly, it wasn't enough.

As I watched the election results, the joy in my heart over electing our nation's next President was tempered with the heartbreaking and somber reality of the passing of Prop 8, a serious setback to marriage equality for Californians, and a blow to civil equality in the democratic republic that is America. Never before in American history have 'we the people' eliminated an ALREADY EXISTING civil right. Sure, we've denied rights - women couldn't vote, blacks couldn't marry whites, gays could get arrested for expressing their love in the privacy of their own home - but once a right has been established, America has NEVER taken it back.

Never. Not even once.
Until now.

It is truly a sad state of affairs for our Nation.

With an ache in my heart, I watch the various news reports of mostly peaceful protests by 'No on 8' supporters, and I wish I could be there to be a part of it, to add my voice to the thousands of Californians who are taking to the streets for equal rights. I feel helpless, because I am so far away.

This feeling of helplessness is unacceptable to me. It brings to mind the feeling of being a victim of circumstance, like I don't have control over my own life, my own future, the future of my family. I don't want to feel like a victim - I am NOT a second class citizen, and I won't allow myself to feel like that. For me, out of helplessness is borne a sense of duty to others, and a desire to make a difference. I want to help. I want to put my talents, whatever they may be, to good use. Today, I signed up to volunteer for Georgia Equality. I'm also considering volunteering for YouthPride, to help GLBTQ youth. I don't know what types of activities volunteering will involve, but I do know this...I want to take back my PRIDE and DO SOMETHING.

Re-open Proposition 8 for California Petition

Re-open Proposition 8 for California Petition

06 November 2008

This is heartening...

Protests over the passing of Prop 8:

I'm speechless...



Okay, not really. There are PLENTY of things I could say about the narrow passing of California's Prop 8. I could, and probably will before the night is through, fill this page and several more with angry and sorrowful words, but for now, just right now, at this moment, I'll just say this:

Regardless of your personal feelings about marriage, regardless of how you feel about gay people in general, it is WRONG to eliminate a person's basic fundamental rights, even if that right has only recently been granted in your state. Shame on the voters in California who voted for change with one hand and voted to enshrine discrimination into California's constitution with the other hand.

05 November 2008

President-Elect


Cautiously optimistic, I watch with trepidation that slowly turns to disbelief and then finally to wonder and excitement. The American People have spoken! He has done it! He's the President-Elect! Words cannot describe what I am feeling, but the tears do...they are streaming from my eyes in a way I can't seem to control. I wasn't expecting to have this kind of reaction - so emotional. I knew I had strong feelings, but I thought they were more about getting rid of the stain and stench of the last 8 years.

Listening to President-Elect Obama speak tonight, my heart swells with renewed pride in my country, and I feel...well, hopeful. I know things won't change overnight, but for the first time in my life, I truly believe that the man in office has the best interests of the American people, AND my best interests, at heart. There is an LGBT friendly White House...even more so than the Clinton years. I know they can't undo the harms against LGBT Americans wrought by the Bush Administration immediately, but I'm optimistic, cautiously again, that over time, wrongs will be righted, and fewer harmful legislative acts towards LGBT Americans will be tolerated.

My joy over the election results isn't without some disappointment. At this time, with a majority of precincts reporting, it looks like the marriage amendments in Florida and Arizona are going to pass, and with around 22% of precints reporting, the marriage amendment in California is up by about 8 points. Arkansas Initiative 1, which bans gay couples from adopting kids, looks likely to pass, as well. I guess the American people are ready for change...just not too much change at one time.


***UPDATE*** With 24% of precincts reporting, California's Prop 8 is up by only 6 points. It needs 51% to pass, and has dropped to 53% in favor of. It's 1am in Georgia. I desperately need to go to bed. California, don't let me down!

***UPDATE*** With a majority of precincts reporting, Yes on 8 maintains it's lead by around 6 points. I'm disappointed, and angry with myself for not doing more to support No on 8.

31 October 2008

Ignorance is Bliss

Those darned 'Activist Judges' are 'Legislating from the Bench'

While having a discussion with a proponent of California's Prop 8, I asked why they were in support of this obviously unconstitutional proposition. This is their reply:

'Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. The Supreme Court of California did not have a right to redefine marriage, even Justice Baxter of the California Supreme Court said the majority of the court was not within its rights when it changed the meaning of marriage. If people are scared about losing rights, they should be worried about courts changing the meaning of words and redefining social institutions. California already had very inclusive domestic partnership laws and those rights would be preserved if Proposition 8 passes next week. It is not tyranny from religious organizations the people ought to fear. They can only recommend their members support/oppose certain causes. California's Supreme Court was legislating in May; something it is not allowed to do. Now, that is something all Californians and Americans should fear.'

There are so many things wrong with this...starting with the complete inability to understand the function of the Supreme Court. Supreme Court does not 'redifine' or 'change the meaning of' anything. The role of the Supreme Court is to ensure a stable and predictable system of justice by serving as the final arbiter of disputes involving the state's constitution and laws. They can't CHANGE the constitution... they just assure that laws aren't VIOLATING the constitution, which is exactly what they did in overturning the ban on marriage between same gender partners. They determined, after hearing the evidence presented by BOTH sides of this issue, that there is no compelling reason to deny same gender partners their right to marry the person of their choice, and denying marriage to same gender couples was unconstitutional. That's all.

There are more than 1000 federal rights, benefits and privileges associated with marriage...this isn't an exaggeration, it comes directly from the General Accounting Office of the Federal Government. Domestic partnerships and civil unions, while a step in the right direction, don't even come close to conveying those rights, and will NEVER be equal to marriage. No matter how many times people say it, it still won't make it true, my friend. Separate but equal will never work.

California's Prop 8 (along with PROP 102 in Arizona and PROP 2 in Florida) absolutely IS tyranny by religious organizations. The majority of the support, financial and otherwise, for this mean spirited and discriminitory proposition is coming from religious organizations, and mostly from OTHER states. They have fired up religious conservatives by intentionally blurring the line between religious marriage, or the 'RITE' of holy matrimony, and civil marriage, which the Supreme Court has determined is a 'basic, fundamental RIGHT' of American citizens. Their ad campaign contains nothing but fear mongering based on complete and utter lies. We know it, and the sad thing is, they know it too.

I'd like to point out that the Supreme Court doesn't legislate...as anyone who paid attention in 8th grade civics class will tell you. The California General Assembly, who were elected by Californians, DOES legislate. In fact, they twice passed legislation in support of marriage equality, and both times it was vetoed by the governor. THAT is where the legislating takes place...not the courtroom. That's the difference between 'legislating' and being the final 'arbiter' of justice.

29 October 2008

The 'Rite' of Marriage vs. the 'Right' of Marriage

Beginning June 17th, county clerks in California began issuing marriage licenses and performing marriage ceremonies for same-sex couples, thanks to the recent California Supreme Court ruling that struck down a ban on same-sex marriage, making California the second state in the US where marriage is legally recognized for same sex couples. In addition, the California Supreme Court refused requests to stay the decision pending the outcome of the November elections, specifically, before the voters cast their ballots for or against Prop 8. This is important to me for a number of reasons:
  • I am a native Californian, and it makes me feel proud that my home state is taking steps to eradicate discrimination against g/l/b/t/q people.
  • California is a trend setting state. By this I mean that historically speaking, what happens in California in regards to civil law tends to have a far-reaching impact; it spreads across the rest of the United States, not necessarily quickly, but consistently, and occassionally with the help of the United States Supreme Court.
  • Thanks to dubious efforts by religious conservative groups, California voters are going to the polls to vote on a proposed amendment to the constitution that defines marriage as between a man and a woman only. This is happening in Florida and Arizona, as well. Because the Supreme Court refused to stay their decision, Californians will have the opportunity to see the results of same-sex marriage (or as I like to call it - marriage - calling it anything other than what it is contributes to the notion that it isn't equality for a basic civil right we are asking for, but a special right or privilege in addition to the rights we already have, and that is a lie) and recognize that, just like Massachussetts has shown, marriage equality will have absolutely no negative impact on society. In fact, the positive economic impact on the state of California is expected to exceed 600 million dollars over the course of the next 3 years.
  • Anyone from any state can get married in California, and perhaps as a result, Massachussetts took steps to open their doors to out of state couples as well. Starting in a couple of weeks, Connecticutt will be the third state to practice true Marriage Equality. It might not be recognized in their own state, but lack of current state recognition does not make the marriage any less meaningful or valid in the eyes of the couple, their friends and family, or to God, for that matter.

I admit that I have not always been much of a marriage equality activist in my lifetime. It was never really that important to me, as I never thought I would truly want to be with someone for the rest of my life. My view of relationships was this - people come into your life for a variety of reasons, stay awhile and then leave when there is nothing more you have to offer each other. Why would you want to muddy the water with marriage, making it more of a hassle to make a clean break? This is how I used to think, until I met Angie, and we started dating. Now, two years later, we own a house together, we share our lives together - and suddenly I find myself looking at her sometimes and thinking things like 'This is the woman I'm going to be with for the rest of my life' and 'What would happen to her if something bad happened to me?' I imagine this is how many people who are considering marriage think - gay or straight. I want her to be protected, the same way I want to be protected. When we bought our house, we made the decision to go ahead and have a lawyer draw up our wills, powers of attorney for healthcare and general decisions, etc...$1200 for some documents that provide us about 1/4 of the rights and protections a straight couple gets just as soon as they sign on the dotted line of their $35 marriage license. When I forked over that money, I recognized what g/l/b/t/q people have been fighting for...equal protection under the law...and I deserve it just as much as my straight counterparts. I'm going to marry Angie next year. We are planning a religious ceremony (the 'Rite' of Holy Matrimony) in Georgia through the United Church of Christ, which is open and affirming, and recognizes marriage equality, even thought the state does not. Then we plan to exercise our Constitutionally guaranteed, basic, fundamental civil 'Right' to Marriage by having a civil ceremony in one of the states that respects our right to marry. Once again, lack of recognition on my state's part does not make my marriage any less meaningful or valid to me or to Angie, and we feel confident that it will be recognized in all states in our lifetime.

03 October 2008

Internalizing Shame

I've been communicating with a lesbian mother in Texas through a couple of online sites, and lately, we've been talking a lot about families, and shame. That was what inspired my last post, and now this one as well.
I felt that way (shameful) for a long time, and it was a large part of my distancing myself from family. When everyone in the world - family, media, people at school, people at work - is telling you one thing, even when you know deep down in your soul that the truth is something else, it's hard not to buy into shame, to actually think that there is something wrong with you, even though you didn't do anything wrong. I think with me, the thing that got me past that point of feeling shameful about my life and believing I had to keep secrets and hide who I truly am (and I am by no means an expert, because it's still hard and uncomfortable for me to be so open with them about my life) is my passion for equality. Shame causes the oppressed to buy into their oppression, to just accept that somehow one deserves to have less rights than others. Somewhere along the line I figured out that I am no different than any other American, and I deserve every single right every other American has. Once I accepted that, I became very focused and driven to just live my life as openly as possible, no matter how uncomfortable it made others. I do this for primarily two reasons:
1. I'm happier, less stressed and more successful when I live openly; and
2. The people around me, including my family, see that my life is no different than theirs, regardless of the gender of my partner.

I also talk about real things with them - things like my fear of what will happen if Angie or I get sick, and the steps we have had to take (and the money we've had to spend, to the tune of $1200, so far) to protect our rights, the difficulties we have faced in our relationship because we are unable to get married legally in our state, like not being able to add our partner on the deed to our home because the loan is only in one of our names and we aren't related by blood or marriage, and like having to wait an entire year for 'domestic partner benefits' when if we were legally married, there would be no such waiting period. I think if I live unashamedly and family members and other people get to see the actual affects of discrimination, it at least makes them think about things a bit more. It might not change their minds, but maybe, just maybe, they will think of me, and feel a little guilty inside the next time they proclaim 'marriage is only for a man and woman.' I feel a little guilty myself for saying this, because normally I would never wish negative feelings on another person, but actually, I hope they do.