Finally! The state of CA sticks their nose into the business of a group who stuck their nose into someone else's business!

State of California to Investigate Mormon Church Involvement in Prop 8

Finally, someone is questioning the not-so-fine line between church and State!

People are entitled to believe that God doesn't 'condone' marriage between same gender couples. People have every right to believe they should only marry someone of the opposite gender. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but they are NOT entitled to impose those beliefs on others.

I personally believe that if we want to protect the sanctity of marriage, it should be harder for couples to obtain marriage licenses - they should have to take marriage classes, go through a year of pre-marriage counseling with a licensed professional and pass a pre-marriage test before they are issued a license. It should also be more difficult to use divorce as an option to disolve marriages. In fact, since the Bible strictly forbids divorce accept in a few rare circumstances, christians should be banned from divorce altogether, accept for those few circumstances. This is just my opinion, and I am FULLY aware that my beliefs should NEVER be used as a basis to dictate civil law, and I don't even have a 'tax exempt' status to worry about violating, like the Mormon Church does. Most people who are capable of logic and reason can recognize that the personal beliefs of one group cannot infringe upon the civil rights of another group. The Mormon Church should be held to the same degree of logical reasoniong.

I hope the State of California does a VERY thorough job of investigating this religious group, and that it gives other religious groups pause.

Why I Love my Girlfriend

My normally stoic-faced, doesn't-ever-wear-her-heart-on-her-sleeve, only-shares-when-she-thinks-it's-REALLY-REALLY-important girlfriend wrote this in an email to a local morning show:

Hi Bert!
First, I want to say that I love the show. I moved here from Tennessee a year ago and was wondering what I would do for morning radio... and was SO glad to find your show! I really do enjoy it. Second, let me say that I don't want to come across as someone who takes themselves and life too seriously. I try to maintain a sense of humor about things, and try not to be one of "those" people who get all riled up about things they hear on the radio.

But in light of recent events around the election, namely the passing of Prop 8 in California, along with the other measures passed against Marriage Equality, I just have to say something about some of the story lines you were talking about this morning.

I can't get married, legally, to my partner. My partner, the love of my life, whose ring I would be proud to wear no matter where, when or what, and I can't have the same legal protection under the law that Vegas Amy has. Or that Superbowl whoever would have if her $3 million dollar effort finds a man for her. And the reason that I keep hearing over and over and over again is that allowing gay people to be legally married would somehow denigrate the sanctity of the institution of marriage.

The same institution that Vegas Amy is seemingly so willing to shrug off for a weekend. The same institution that Superbowl ad woman thinks she can buy her way into. The same institution that Trey is making a "game" out of trying to find a partner for.

And I wonder how many people that you feature on your show that play so fast and loose with the sanctity of this institution would also cast a vote to deny my partner and I the right to participate in the same institution... All the while screaming about the sanctity of marriage.

I understand having a girls' night out or a whole weekend, I honestly do. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that at all! And I remember how depressing and scary the dating scene can be. But to take off your rings and present yourself as something that you aren't is, at best, offensive, and at worst is lying. I know some people who would consider it cheating to openly and purposefully flirt with people as if you were single. Even if your intentions are to not do anything beyond flirting, it is not respectful to your marriage vows or to your partner. And shows like 'The Bachelor' and this attempt to put a Superbowl ad up to find a partner do nothing but make relationships seem more like a commodity that can be bought, consumed, and tossed aside like any other disposable item in our lives than the attempt to find someone with whom you can build a serious relationship.

As Melissa stated earlier, if Vegas Amy was Vegas Andy, there is no slack or sympathy that would be afforded to him. And any double standard is wrong, wouldn't you agree? And yet these same people think there is nothing wrong with what they do, while at the same time they believe or would actively work to prevent my partner and I from having equal protection for our relationship under the law. Double standard? Hypocrisy?

Like I said, I love your show and usually find the humor in all story lines you present for our enjoyment, but the wounds from Prop 8 are apparently more raw than I even realized, and today it was just too much to hear this sacred institution of marriage being treated so lightly and with such disrespect by some of your listeners. Seriously, people, if you don't want gay people to get legally married, come up with a better argument than this whole concept of the sanctity of the institution.

Wow... I feel better. Thanks for letting me vent some of my frustration. Like I said, I really do love your show and will keep listening.
Thanks,
Angie

I'm so totally in love with her. Do you see why?

Step One of my New Found Out-Loud Activism

http://www.jointheimpact.com/

Join me this Saturday, November 15th, 2008 for the National Protest/March for Equality. Wherever you are, there is a protest near you. Check out the link above for more information, and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE share this with everyone you know.

Thanks!

How the Helpless Become the Helpful

I consider myself an 'armchair activist.' I tend to be fairly out-spoken about my beliefs. In fact, on any given day, unapologetically and with much passion, I can be found:

- reading about equal civil rights
- studying up on legislation involving my rights
- sharing my beliefs regarding the fight for equal rights for LGBTQ Americans
- having heated, philosophical debates with anyone who will argue back about the parallels between the the women's rights movement, civil rights movement and today's LGBTQ rights movement
- emailing all the contacts in my address book about civil rights violations and what we can do about them, and
- posting blogs and blog comments about equal rights for ALL Americans, not just the ones we are comfortable with.

It's just my way...it's who I am - a grown woman with an opinion who has a vested interest in equal civil rights for ALL Americans.

Rarely; however, have I stepped up to the plate and done anything more than that, save for the occasional donation of a few dollars in support of equality.

My most recent financial donation was to the 'No on 8' campaign in California. Although I couldn't vote there, as a native Californian I felt the desire to do SOMETHING to help. It wasn't as much as I would have liked, just what Angie and I could afford at the time, and clearly, it wasn't enough.

As I watched the election results, the joy in my heart over electing our nation's next President was tempered with the heartbreaking and somber reality of the passing of Prop 8, a serious setback to marriage equality for Californians, and a blow to civil equality in the democratic republic that is America. Never before in American history have 'we the people' eliminated an ALREADY EXISTING civil right. Sure, we've denied rights - women couldn't vote, blacks couldn't marry whites, gays could get arrested for expressing their love in the privacy of their own home - but once a right has been established, America has NEVER taken it back.

Never. Not even once.
Until now.

It is truly a sad state of affairs for our Nation.

With an ache in my heart, I watch the various news reports of mostly peaceful protests by 'No on 8' supporters, and I wish I could be there to be a part of it, to add my voice to the thousands of Californians who are taking to the streets for equal rights. I feel helpless, because I am so far away.

This feeling of helplessness is unacceptable to me. It brings to mind the feeling of being a victim of circumstance, like I don't have control over my own life, my own future, the future of my family. I don't want to feel like a victim - I am NOT a second class citizen, and I won't allow myself to feel like that. For me, out of helplessness is borne a sense of duty to others, and a desire to make a difference. I want to help. I want to put my talents, whatever they may be, to good use. Today, I signed up to volunteer for Georgia Equality. I'm also considering volunteering for YouthPride, to help GLBTQ youth. I don't know what types of activities volunteering will involve, but I do know this...I want to take back my PRIDE and DO SOMETHING.

Those darned 'Activist Judges' are 'Legislating from the Bench'

While having a discussion with a proponent of California's Prop 8, I asked why they were in support of this obviously unconstitutional proposition. This is their reply:

'Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. The Supreme Court of California did not have a right to redefine marriage, even Justice Baxter of the California Supreme Court said the majority of the court was not within its rights when it changed the meaning of marriage. If people are scared about losing rights, they should be worried about courts changing the meaning of words and redefining social institutions. California already had very inclusive domestic partnership laws and those rights would be preserved if Proposition 8 passes next week. It is not tyranny from religious organizations the people ought to fear. They can only recommend their members support/oppose certain causes. California's Supreme Court was legislating in May; something it is not allowed to do. Now, that is something all Californians and Americans should fear.'

There are so many things wrong with this...starting with the complete inability to understand the function of the Supreme Court. Supreme Court does not 'redifine' or 'change the meaning of' anything. The role of the Supreme Court is to ensure a stable and predictable system of justice by serving as the final arbiter of disputes involving the state's constitution and laws. They can't CHANGE the constitution... they just assure that laws aren't VIOLATING the constitution, which is exactly what they did in overturning the ban on marriage between same gender partners. They determined, after hearing the evidence presented by BOTH sides of this issue, that there is no compelling reason to deny same gender partners their right to marry the person of their choice, and denying marriage to same gender couples was unconstitutional. That's all.

There are more than 1000 federal rights, benefits and privileges associated with marriage...this isn't an exaggeration, it comes directly from the General Accounting Office of the Federal Government. Domestic partnerships and civil unions, while a step in the right direction, don't even come close to conveying those rights, and will NEVER be equal to marriage. No matter how many times people say it, it still won't make it true, my friend. Separate but equal will never work.

California's Prop 8 (along with PROP 102 in Arizona and PROP 2 in Florida) absolutely IS tyranny by religious organizations. The majority of the support, financial and otherwise, for this mean spirited and discriminitory proposition is coming from religious organizations, and mostly from OTHER states. They have fired up religious conservatives by intentionally blurring the line between religious marriage, or the 'RITE' of holy matrimony, and civil marriage, which the Supreme Court has determined is a 'basic, fundamental RIGHT' of American citizens. Their ad campaign contains nothing but fear mongering based on complete and utter lies. We know it, and the sad thing is, they know it too.

I'd like to point out that the Supreme Court doesn't legislate...as anyone who paid attention in 8th grade civics class will tell you. The California General Assembly, who were elected by Californians, DOES legislate. In fact, they twice passed legislation in support of marriage equality, and both times it was vetoed by the governor. THAT is where the legislating takes place...not the courtroom. That's the difference between 'legislating' and being the final 'arbiter' of justice.

Long, Long Ago...In a Not-So-Far-Away Land

I grew up in California, but not the cool, progressive, equal-rights-for-all part of California. Do you remember back in May, when The California Supreme Court determined that gays and lesbians couldn't be denied the right to marry, and 3 counties decided that instead of following the law and marrying straight AND gay couples, they just weren't gonna marry any couples at all? I'm from one of THOSE counties, as conservative as any southern state.

I was 15 years old when I came out to my parents. In fact, it wasn't that long - maybe a matter of months - after acknowledging my orientation to myself. I never was a very good liar or keeper of secrets. I didn't actually 'come out' so much as get 'found out' after my mom or my dad, I'm not even sure which one, found some letters I had received from a girl. Needless to say, that evening's conversation was NOT the pleasant after-dinner banter I was accustomed to and expecting.

Imagine a 15 year old child, who has always known she was different than the other girls her age, finally discovering what it was that made her different. I'm sure many would agree that feeling is a combination of excitement, relief and fear of the unknown. Now add to that the response of parents who are working from the assumption that homosexuality is a choice, and not a very good one at that. I was constantly reminded that 'we didn't raise you that way' and 'you'll go to hell if you live that way.' At one point my father actually told me that I had picked the worst possible thing to do to him and did it 'just to spite him.' I was forbidden from my friends because of course I had decided I was gay because of 'THEIR influence.' I was removed from one high school and placed in another in an effort to remove this 'influence.' That didn't work out so well, since I met my first actual girlfriend, Shane, at the second school. (Yes, her name was actually 'Shane,' and this was long before 'Shane' was a cool lesbian name.) When my parents learned I was seeing someone, and that it wasn't the high school quarterback, I was told I had a choice between being straight and staying at home or 'living that lifestyle' and moving out of the house. I already knew that if this was some choice I had made, I was helpless to do anything about it, so I moved out, and in with a family from church. Yes, church. Fortunately, this church family was inclusive, and they were very supportive of me during that time.

My radar for other gays had developed quickly by that time, so I was able to corner a teacher and talk to her about it as well. This teacher was instrumental in mediating between my parents and I which ultimately resulted in my return home after a few months. I also have a gay aunt, so I was fortunate to get at least SOME positive encouragement during that time.

Mostly what I felt was shame, though. Shame is kind of a worthless emotion, in my book. It's like walking around with the belief that 'I am a mistake, my whole life is just one big error.' I spent a long time feeling like this awful, evil person with bad blood flowing through my veins, all because of something I had no control over, something as innate as my eye color and right-handedness. When society and those closest to you are telling you that you are sick and going to hell, not even the few voices of reason who try to tell you you're okay just the way you are can counter it. It wasn't until later in my life that I started actually doing some research and learning about the continuum of sexual orientation that I became unwilling to hide my true self.

I've spent most of my adult life out in the open, with the belief that the more willing I am to share my life with others, the more they will recognize that we bleed the same blood - my life is no different than theirs. This has mostly served me well, but I haven't always been able to apply it to my hopelessly conservative Mom & Dad. With them, ever since I returned home after being kicked out, it has been 'out of sight, out of mind.' In an effort to...I don't know...shield them, I guess...from having to know anything about the 'gayer' parts of my life, I pretty much cut myself off from them. We still talked, spent holidays together, that sort of thing, but my relationships have been off limits for discussion. There have been a few notable exceptions, mostly involving my mom, over the years. Once, when I was about 29 or 30, my mom decided to share with me that God had told her to talk to me about my 'lifestyle' and how it wasn't part of God's plan for me. She actually said to me that 'living this way' I must not know God. It was very hurtful; anyone who knows me knows of my deep spirituality and strong faith in God. I spend a lot of my time sharing with other's my belief that a loving God would NEVER condemn someone for their innate sexual orientation. There was a serious wedge between my mother and I for a couple of years after that.

Several years later, she mentioned to me that she would never be able to support marriage between same sex couples because it was 'just wrong.' Because I had spent so long shielding her from the 'gay part' of my life, I had no response, even though her words hurt.

A couple of years ago, I met my current girlfriend, Angie. After we had dated a few months, we both kind of recognized that this relationship was different than the others, and that it was probably going to stand the test of time. One way I knew this was something my sister told me. My parents had met Angie at my nephew's birthday party. They told my sister that there was something different about me, and that it seemed that I was a completely changed person with Angie in my life - calmer, more content and relaxed, and happier than they had ever seen me. They actually RECOGNIZED the positive affect a good relationship was having on my life, and for once, they didn't care about of the gender of my partner, focusing their attention on my happiness instead. To this day, the conclusion of every phone call to my mom is 'give Angie our love.' This translates to 'we approve, and we want you to be happy.'

Earlier this year, I was able to have a long discussion with my mom about marriage equality, and share with her how inequality actually makes maintaining my relationship a little harder and a little less safe than other people's relationships. We talked about the ridiculous reasons given for denying the fundamental right of marriage to gay people, and I was able to counter every claim with reasoned, rational responses. We also discussed using religion as an excuse to justify bigotry, which is a pretty sticky subject between us, if you recall. Even though I doubt I changed her mind, she was willing to listen, and it felt really good to talk about it with her. It finally feels like I don't have to hide a piece of myself from her.

A couple months ago, fully expecting her to say no, and preparing myself for it by putting on my emotionally defensive 'I don't care if she's there or not, I'm just asking so she knows she's invited' mask, I asked my mom if she would come to my wedding next May. She said "I'll give it some thought.' Instead of taking it personally, and because it really is all about baby steps, I talked about it with her for awhile longer. As I got up to leave, she told me 'I'll be there.' Maybe that conversation we had a while back had more of an affect than I thought it did.

And there you have it - 23 years of baby steps.

After the wedding, I'm gonna start teaching my dad to walk. ;-)

The Truth

On April 25th, thousands of students had the opportunity to voluntarily participate in an annual 'Day of Silence' in support of their GLBTQ classmates who have suffered bullying and violence as a result of homophobia. In response to this successful annual event, the Alliance Defense Fund, one of those anti-gay conservative groups hosted their 'Day of Truth' protest which apparently was not as successful, since virtually all references to it online ceased about 2 days before the event.

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-7517.html

A supporter of ADF responded to this article by saying this:

Joe wrote:
"The truth is that being gay is wrong and immoral.Personally I don't care if you are gay or not, but when groups like GLSEN start to infiltrate our schools and try to indoctrinate our Children I draw the line.The reason that the ADF doesn't have more support is that most parents don't know that GLSEN had infiltrated our public schools starting at the Kidder Garden level.As more and more are being made aware of this, ADF is gaining support. "

You know me, I can't resist telling the truth. Here's my response:

No, it isn't. That isn't truth...it's conjecture on your part.

The truth is there is nothing immoral or wrong about the ability to love another human being, gay or straight.

The truth is there is no 'infiltration' and no 'indoctrination' of children in schools.

The truth is fundamentalists coined these phrases as part of the 'dumbing down' of their followers(read 'voters.')

The truth is that instead of accepting the opinions of thousands upon thousands of medical, psychological, psychiatric, sociologic and pediatric professionals who all say the same thing, fundamentalists expect you to follow along with their hate filled agenda like good little sheep, voting for discriminitory laws and supporting legislation that deprives good, honest, tax paying citizens of their basic fundamental rights based solely on the gender of their partners. They do this by insulting your intelligence through the use of these typical inflammatory buzzwords designed to engender strong negative feelings in people in an effort to illicit the response they want.

The truth is that children need education regarding diversity and tolerance. Tolerance does not mean acceptance...it just means 'live and let live.' Have your beliefs, believe in them with all your heart if you choose to, but don't force them onto people who have a different truth than you, especially when their truth is backed up by thousands of professionals, and yours comes only from your choice of religion.

The truth is diversity and tolerance education makes the world a safer place to be - from people just like you.

Oh, and 'kidder garden?' Lol...dumbing down, indeed.

OMG! Can people really be THIS stupid?

I frequent a discussion board called Topix.net. It features various news stories followed by reader comments and discussion. Any time there is a story about anything related to gay or lesbian people, it seems the 'christofascists' come out in force to spread the most awful and degrading lies I have every heard. Sometimes I wonder how these people can call themselves 'christian' and keep a straight face.

Today someone was actually trying to convice people that homosexual acts are the CAUSE of AIDS. No matter how many times it was pointed out to him that AIDS is caused by a virus and no matter how many links to correct information he was provided with, he still insisted that no, AIDS was caused by two gay people having sex. Can people really be this stupid? Another poster kept insisting that the APA still considers homosexuality a mental disorder, only they now call it 'gender identity disorder,' when in reality 'gender identity disorder' has nothing at all to do with sexual orientation, as a quick google search of the APA will clearly tell you.

It's scary the kinds of beliefs people will hold onto in spite of factual evidence to the contrary. I think it's called 'cognitive dissonance' -the filtering of information that conflicts with what one already believes, in an effort to ignore that information and reinforce one's beliefs (thanks wiki). The example of this phenomenon I was given in college was something like this: WWI prisoners who were systematically rounded up and marched off for execution were routinely told they were going somewhere else for a purpose other than execution, and although they had seen their neighbors marched off the day before and not return, although they had heard the gunfire at the edge of town, the prisoners chose to believe their captors and go with them willingly. I think those who hold negative views of gay people are caught up in this pattern of cognitive dissonance. They have been told all their lives by society, by their families, by their pastors, by other religious zealots that being gay is a choice, that it isn't a natural thing, that homosexuals are going to hell. In spite of all the evidence suggesting the innate state of sexual orientation, despite knowledge that homosexuality, while certainly not the majority, is a natural variant of sexual orientation and is found in at least 1000 species of the animal kingdom, in spite of a growing recognition by religious scholars that the translations of the bible are not concrete, that homosexuality is NOT a harmful behavior and therefore cannot be a sin, some people continue to twist and filter the information, in an effort to reinforce their beliefs.

Hate groups like NARTH and the AFA prey on these people...and are guilty of using inflammatory speech and spreading terrible lies to reinforce these beliefs in an effort to further their political agenda to block equal rights legislation for gay and lesbian people. How do I know this to be true, and not just 'liberal propaganda?' I listened to what they were saying. I went to their websites and researched, checking their info against the info from the AMA, APA and many other credible sources. I started noticing that every time I would do an internet search for something related to gay/lesbian/bisexual or transgender issues, I would get a bunch of religious websites. So, I did a google search of just the term 'homosexuality.' Of the top ten listings, six are religious based websites offering their viewpoint, instead of factual information. This clearly tells me that there is an agenda...and it definitely isn't 'that gay one.' Thank God there are people out there, both gay and straight alike, who are willing to speak the truth.

Okay, that's my rant for the day.

Proud to be an American - no, really....

Recently I received an email from a family member with one of those attachments...you know the ones - emotionally charged pictures of American history, historic tragedies like 9/11, and commentary on the 'war on Terror' usually with a good country music song like 'Proud to be an American' or something like that as a backdrop. The presentation included comments like - let's keep 'Him' in our constitution and our schools, etc. It illicited many strong feelings in me as I watched it.

It's good to remember tragic history and to feel patriotic.

I had to ask my family member, though...what were her true thoughts regarding keeping 'christian traditions' embedded in our civil law?

As an American, I strongly believe that dissent IS patriotic...it's our right as Americans to question the government. As both a lesbian AND a Christian, I have difficulty with the whole 'Keep Him in our Constitution & schools' thing.

Legislating based on religious beliefs is a very large part of why I don't have equal protection and am denied access to the more than 1000 rights, benefits and privileges that are associated with marriage. This concerns me, because my God, the one who created me just as I am, loves me, redeems me and sustains me, is being used to justify this blatant disregard of my basic, fundamental rights. I have been told, personally, on more than one occassion by people professing to be christians that I cannot be gay and christian because my 'lifestyle' is 'sick and deviant' and God condemns me for it, that no matter how honestly and faithfully I live my life, I am going to hell because I 'choose' to live in direct rebellion of 'God's Word,' and that my christian church isn't a true church because they are open and affirming of all people. I'm fortunate to have such a strong faith in God that these words have little effect on me anymore. My faith is and always will be stronger than bigotry. The important thing I have learned about religion is that it should NEVER be used to make laws or deny equal rights.

While current legislation regarding equal rights for all is slowly changing, there is a vast 'christian' movement who continue to thwart this progress any way they can, including spreading vicious and horrible lies about gay and lesbian people (just google OK state rep Sally Kern, as an example) and introducing legislation that opposes equal rights for no other reason than their religious beliefs. Many of the horrific tragedies reviewed in the presentation my family member sent me are glaring examples of religious extremist behavior, and should serve as a reminder of what can happen when a country does not recognize freedom of (and from) religion. Religion is a personal thing, and should remain so. It should never be used to dictate civil law.

What do you think? It's a topic very close to my heart, and I love discussing it with people.